Birth Spacing and Sibling Rivalry

In general, rivalry is often greater the closer the siblings are in age.  This makes sense when we think about the greater likelihood that the same toys need to be shared, and the children are more likely to be spending more time together playing and interacting than children who are farther apart in age.  However, it is possible that children spaced close together may also share a closer emotional bond.

Many psychologists believe the optimal spacing between children is approximately three years.  The older child has then had sufficient time to enjoy the spotlight, and he is old enough to understand and discuss feelings about having a younger sibling.  Children spaced two years or less apart often have less rivalry than those spaced between two and three years apart.  Much of this may be due to the difficult challenges that a two year old is facing (dependence vs. independence, etc.) aside from the challenges of a new sibling.  Children under two years of age are not as aware of the intrusion of a new sibling as is the two and a half year old.

It is important to remember that sibling rivalry is normal and occurs to some extent with all siblings. Much also depends on your own family dynamics and the personalities and temperaments of your children.  A child who feels they are getting their own needs met within the family is likely to be less hostile than a child who must always struggle for attention.

Providing one-on-one time with each child is a good way to let each child know they are special to you. 

Same-sex and Boy-Girl Siblings and rivalry

Sibling Rivalry - Main Page